2nd Visit to South Africa

I’m back!

I don’t know if I said it out loud, but I know toward the end of my first visit to Emma in Cape Town, toward the end of an incredible visit that among other things, got me writing again, that it was my “good intention” to keep writing after I returned to Canada. You know what they say about the road to hell being paved with those!

It’s been almost eight months since the first time I hauled my tired tushie across the planet to South Africa. That time I needed to reassure myself that my daughter’s move to Cape Town was not putting her in any graver danger than anywhere else in this world where evil is running amuck. Very few people could have gotten me to embark on such a trip and Emma is in that small group.

In her whole life, I have never had to be parted from her for more than 5 or 6 months, and that long, only during her year at Hebrew Union College in Jerusalem. Wherever else she has resided, we could get to each other within a 2 hour flight or 8 hour drive. \240In spite of periodic mother-daughter volatility over the years, our relationship has always been quite a close one. When she went away to Queen’s University, just under three hours from Toronto by car, \240we continued our Thursday night ritual of watching ER “together”, which was before Face Time or What’s App, or even Skype, so we had to sit at the ends of the telephone line. At the time, I was grateful for the relatively new, unlimited long distance phone plans!

It’s no secret that some people thought (and continue to believe) that ours is a co-dependent relationship. \240Back then, when Emma left for university and we continued to talk several times a week, and watch our favourite tv show \240together, those with close relationships to their daughters or their mothers, could appreciate this. Others thought I was failing to “cut the cord” which, according to the dispensers of such popular psychology, was unhealthy for both of us.

Guilty as charged.

Actually, though, I believe the relationship Emma and I share is “interdependent”, not co-dependent. (Google it.) It’s taken quite a while, but I no longer permit others to make me feel guilty about our closeness. \240Emma has grown in to a capable, independent woman. Danny and I did manage to raise a daughter who was strong enough and clear minded enough, to know she wanted to give this opportunity in South Africa a try, \240and ultimately felt that it was where she wanted and needed to be. \240And while I was upset and not very supportive at first, after that first visit, I did understand. She is where she is meant to be right now. Hopefully it won’t be forever, though!

Sukkot

I’m quite certain my words will not do justice to what Emma’s first High Holy Days in Cape Town were like. I arrived after Rosh Hashanah which she said went quite well. We timed my incoming flights to give me two days to recover from my jet lag before Yom Kippur. Emma led the Kol Nidre service at the downtown location called Greenpoint. It’s a fairly grand, Cape Town style building with high walls and gates on the perimeter, stucco (or is it cement?) and tall ceilings in the main sanctuary, with a somewhat imposing \240backdrop of grey and tan stone on the bimah. \240The ark was made of a complimentary light toned wood that I imagine is local and African. It was a great setting for hearing Kol Nidre, and it was wonderful for me to hear Emma chanting it again!

Kalk Bay