I have been learning a lot about mental health. I don’t know I’m just curious but during this learning curve I am learning that I may not be so okay myself. I listen to people’s stories and try to self diagnose myself (which by the way is probably the worst thing you can do) I am starting to learn that not everyone is okay. Sometimes it’s hard to remember that I have a life. Since learning about mental illness I have started caring less about myself. It’s getting to the point where sometimes I forget to eat or sleep. I have recently started a whole new school and vowed to my best with every piece of work I do. I recently also vowed to be nice to anyone and everyone. It is a good lesson, sure but I keep getting the feeling that I should start caring for myself. I have sever panic attacks and every morning on the bus to school I feel physically sick. There are moments in class where I can’t breathe. I genuinely do not sleep and I struggle to eat or socialise. I have always felt antisocial and I have always had these other traits but never thought much of them. On the rare occasion I do sleep I have the worst dreams, like abnormally creepy, scary nightmares and I have started linking them to parts of my life and realising that I’m not okay. I get bullied a lot and feel extremely insecure, I am not god at making friends and get really dark depressive episodes. I now know that suicide is not a joke and not everyone has suicidal thoughts. I scare myself. I want to ask for help and know that people se something but they’re afraid to ask. In the small minded town I live in it is not seen as okay to get help. Nobody really wants to be my friend. I feel alone. It’s not as if I don’t want help enough I just a) can’t afford it and the nhs is crap b) am scared of what will happen and c) afraid of people’s reactions. In recent months there has been 3 suicides in my area and 2 planned drug overdoses where luckily the victims survived but yet the very few people I have told don’t believe me, say it’s all in my head. I don’t know what to do anymore. Advice is much appreciated.

-M