God bless us, every one!

Civilized atmosphere on Christmas night at SFO. After an unnecessary rise in blood pressure (yes, an electronic entry visa action in required in advance by NZ, and yes, we have no excuse whatsoever to have been caught unawares), Marie and Keith rewarded themselves (assuaged their embarrassment) with a last-second paid upgrade to UA Premium Plus class.

Waitomo Caves exit by river. First explored by this entrance on a flax stem raft and one candle

Vegetation in the gorge feeds the insects that feed the glowworms

Discovered in 1887, the caves, with stalagtites and -mites aplenty, are home to one of NZ’s two glowworm species, and found only in Waitomo. Photography is strictly forbidden as flash is lethal to the glowworms but the imposed photo of Marie and Keith is no exaggeration, as is our joy to be together in NZ.

The scenery in the middle of the North Island is splendid, rural between the towns with rolling hills heavy with dairy cattle and sheep, and suggesting sometimes Sonoma County toward Bodega Bay or Upper Bavaria or, perhaps best described by Marie, as reminding one of Britain’s Lake District or Borders - but not quite. This is something different. As we approach Cambridge the farms appear more affluent with more horse sheep.

Our first night in NZ is in the home of Kay and Grant Bezett in a wonderfully preserved Victorian villa nestled in lush gardens with dramatic art scripture. Our room opens to a patio with views east northeast toward the Tower Hills and the Westfarthing beyond. (But let’s not get ahead of ourselves!)

Omen of things to come?

Maungakawa Villa, Cambridge

Stiff from the 13h flight and half the day in the car, Marie inquires with Kaye about a walk before dinner, and Kaye obliges with directions to a nearby nature reserve fo a ‘wee bush walk.’ Armed with DEET-laden spray we set out from the car park for our half-hour stroll, through nearly tropical forest that buzzed with “excitement.” Anyone observing us would have guessed us Hunger Games participants trying to escape trackerjackers.

Nourishment during ‘wee bush walk’

Back at the villa unharmed we enjoy a lovely cheeseboard, Irish beer and chat with Kaye before a supper of cold cuts, rice salad and boiled new potatoes. Sleep comes easy…

Old Mill, on the Water (a bit of Marie’s best photography this day)

Preparing for the adventure

A few favorite anecdotes and memories follow. To satisfy all readers, the editorial staff of this journal is agreed to take your Middle Earth-bound questions individually offline and publish them, with answers, in a subsequent journal entry. May your Q&A begin!

1. Three cheers to the set scouts who, from the air, recognized the Alexander family farm as THE literally perfect location for Hobbiton. Upon closer inspection it was revealed that nearly every description of the village from Tolkien’s book was embodied there. \240With one small exception; resd on for details.

2. Peter Jackson was, as director, pedantic in his detail. For example, all 44 hobbit holes built have working doors and 3-5m of space behind so that any could be filmed with hobbits entering or exiting. Cast and crew each carried around a dog-eared LOTR copy for easy reference.

3. Another example, Frodo’s vision of the Shire burning, seen in the Mirror of Galadriel, included the Green Dragon Inn on fire. For ehat materiaized as al 5-second clip, Jackson actually set the building on fire and burned it to the ground. The orcs in chains sharing the scene were local firefighters.

4. The one thing “wrong” with the set location was the orientation of Bag End vis-a-vis the setting sun over the Party Field: The scene of Frodo and Gandalf smoking had to be filmed at sunrise.

As always, alll the best photos courtesy of Marie Claire:

Back side of the Party Tree

Now open to the public, the movie set “has been expanded” with a new feature - two full hobbit hole interiors designed and furnished in excruciating detail based on two families, the Two Foots and the Proudfoots, respectively, by the two original LOTR concept artists.

Contemplation outside the Proudfoot residence

To anticipate Tommy Vignos’ first question, “Are there any future set expansions planned at this location?”

A: Yes, the Mines of Moria water ride opens in 2026 and the Fireworks Dragon roller coaster in 2029.

2 mugs of stout and two beef and ale pies at The Green Dragon is a proper hobbit ending to a fucking fantastic morning.

The true hero of the story, Sam

We arrive in Rotorua to a slight drizzle. Designed as a spa resort and NZ’s first major tourist attraction, Rotorua (Māori: “will never be Baden Baden”) is dominated by 1960s architecture reminiscent of Niagara Falls, maybe? (Canada - the nice side). The Prince’s Gate Hotel is well situated in the city centre and evokes Victorian something. Perhaps a better description: Rotorua is NZ’s Blackpool - without the pier, dance halls or fun!

Connecting further with its English roots, the lake at Rotoruka boasts today hundreds of black swans. In Tudor England, and NZ today, swan is legally hunted at served prominently at table. Prepared well, swan tastes similar to roast beef. (Will fact-check NZ swan cuisine with Kiwi friend Becca who we see on the weekend.)

We escape for a drive around the lake to Okere Falls and dinner spontaneously at The Grill at the Lake Resort in Mourea for warm bread, red snapper, and a local and very sweet Sauv Blanc. Keith’s Caesar salad proves no one in the kitchen has ever eaten a Caesar salad, and Marie’s seasonal vegetables were evidently steamed in the Fires of Mount Doom. But a pleasant evening, to be sure. Instead of dessert we enjoyed the maitre d’s recommendation of Fergburger in Queenstown, our ultimate destination next week.

The landscape around Rotorua is very different than the Lake District feel around Waitomo and Cambridge. It’s got a distinctly island feel to it, with a shabby shack and surfer vibe. And why not?

Kayakers down Okere Falls

Our room at Prince’s Gate Hotel, designed for habitation by hobbit gentry at turn of the century

Kauri staircase, Prnce’s Gate Hotel, Rotorua

Rain today

The hour-long drive north out of Rotorua follows a wide two-lane highway which Keith handles with steady hand in steady rain. We wind through forests of giant ferns below swaths of dense uniform pine, interspersed with 50’-high impregnable green hedges flanking the road and protecting…nurseries, we think? NZ is truly a land of myriad microclimates! Entertainment this morning provided by the hosts of Smartless podcast with recent guests Santa and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Said rain tapers to nothing as we enter the peppy sporty surfy holiday hot springs and beach town of Mt. Maunganui, strung south along the northeast coast (that water would be the South Pacific Ocean) below the symmetrical lava-induced height of the same name. Known universally in NZ as “The Mount,” its boasts a lovely 3.4km walking path around its base with waterfall round save the small isthmus connecting to town.

Mount Maunganui, from the north (courtesy: internets)

Marie Claire on the Mount path.

The Mount (Māori: Mouao - “caught at the dawn”) is a sacred site and oversees the entrance to Tauranga harbor, which today hosts at berth the Celebrity Edge cruise ship and a sad dirty Maersk vessel.

CMA CGM: Sentinels of Commerce flanking the entrance to Port Tauranga

The waterside path, like everywhere in NZ, or so it seems, is teeming with birds and their varied song. We will need the expert assistance of ornithologist Terrence Watson to assist in their identification:

(Proposed) Yellowhead

(Proposed) Song thrush

(Proposed) Black-backed gull

(Proposed) Pied shag

Keith observes NZ birds to be more “earth-bound” or less eager to take flight in the presence of Homo sapiens. Perhaps this is due to that fact that there are no terrestrial mammals native to Aotearoa New Zealand (Māori: “land of the king white cloud”); upon arrival to the North Island ca. 1250 CE the Māori introduced the Polynesian dog and Polynesian rat.

We take a filthy-expensive repast at a sidewalk cafe opposite the fine white sand beach and promonade, sad fish and chips for Keith yet Marie’s seafood chowder and frittata are “splendid.” We are not 30 seconds back in the car before the steady rain returns and accompanies us the entire 3-hour drive north to Auckland via Tauranga and Katikati. The landscape is more varied and stunning and lovely than heretofore this week.

Karangehake Gorge

Auckland hotel check in (Marie) and rental car return (Keith) execued with skill, experience and efficiency.

Room with a view, Skytower from Four Points by Sheraton, 15th floor

Out on a rainy Friday night in Auckland with local friend, Becca Dautermann! (Peter, Ruby and Daisy are in the states celebrating hols with Peter’s mom.) Becca introduces the chic Ponsonby neighborhood where we land for dinner at The Hidden Village bar in Ponsonby Central and a cocktail after at Freeman & Grey.

Becca and Keith

Many restaurants and bars in Auckland are closed this holiday weekend. Considering this is the also the high season for tourism, Marie and Keith are perplexed until enlightened: Becca gently explains that New Zealanders treat January (and the Christmas holiday) the way the French August, namely to get out of town. Just as it’s difficult to find a Parisian in Paris on Bastille Day, Aucklanders get out of Auckland at this time of year, and therefore Ponsenby is “eerily quiet” on a Friday night, rain notwithstanding. Yet the popular restaurants, ferries, wineries - the tourist stuff - is booked solid, in Auckland as it also was in Rotorua. Met a couple in Hobbiton who had a four-hour Māori luau-esque tourist experience booked in Rotorua - no thank you very much.

Thankfully we have Becca from town and in town, and curating our weekend.

Piha Beach

Becca fetched us at 10am sharp for our excursion west, over the Waitakere Ranges with final and famous destination Piha Beach.

First stop is the Arataki Visitor Centre in Oritia for excellent views and orientation of the Waitakeres (Māori: “wai” = water, “takue” = deep; or “cascading waters;” pronounced “why-TOCK-er-ees”), the coastal mountain chain separating greater Auckland from the western beaches on the Tasman Sea. Becca finds the winding road through lush landscape reminding her of the drive from SF up to Fairfax or Muir Woods. Yes!

View south from Waitakeres toward Huia

My feelings exactly

Arataki Visitor Centre

Centerpiece of the day is another bush walk, this a hike up the newly reopened Kitekite Falls trail. Becca is devastated at the, well, devastating damage to this iconic landscape for her and her family caused by massive “slips” (=mudslides) that have ravaged NZ, the result of unprecedented rainfall out of season. Even NZ is, of course, not immune from climate change. The newly laid trail is first rate, and requires walkers to fjord a fast flowing 4” deep stream. Keith is hero of the day carrying both Becca and Marie across (at the same time) to avoid anyone else getting their shoes, socks or ankles wet. The falls were beautiful, unchanged, and in full vigor - with the power of water evidenced in the unmistakable destruction of the falls bridge.

It being the penultimate day of 2023, Piha Beach was an absolute zoo, complete with officious parking attendants taking their neon ‘security’ vests most seriously. Calling an audible we detour to chez Dautermann in the Avondale neighborhood of Auckland for our picnic lunch of various NZ cheeses with curated cracker and chutney pairs, a brief rest and showers before heading back to downtown for dinner at the Skytower.

Kauri, not redwood

Kitekite Falls

Kitekite Falls bush walk

Lion Rock, Piha Beach

We end the day doing the touristy of touristy in Auckland - Skytower. 743’ above the city, we hit it all, together with 14,000 tourists (cruise ship in) with the same idea:

1. Dinner at 360 Orbit, the revolving restaurant on floor 52. Heirloom tomato carpaccio (Marie, Becca) and venison (Keith) to start, followed by lamb (B), beef - was it really eye fillet? (M) and salmon (K). NZ lamb, prepared correctly, as in tonight, tastes like nothing of lamb Keith has ever tasted. He will be ordering it again but maybe never away from NZ!

Winyard, Auckland (looking northwest from Skytower)

Devonport, and (beyond) the North Shore, Auckland

One Tree Hill. Yep.

2. We get rushed out as our 2-hour dinner window is ready to close and wait 14’ for the lift to the main observation deck on 51…

3. … to then queue with half of those 14,000 for the lift to 60 for more observation, just higher. Keith realizes he’s been in a low-grade cold sweat only upon return to earth and the car park.

Becca is not only an expert tour guide and brilliant conversationalist but a vibrant tour de force (that’s code for: she’s run Marie and Keith to ground). But we really wouldn’t have wanted it any other way; laying on Piha Beach all day just isn’t our jam, and we hear getting the black sand off one’s skin is a bitch and a half!

Man o’ War Vineyards, Waiheke

Waiheke Island (Māori: “wai” = yes, you know it by now: water + “heke” = dripping) covers 35,000 sq.mi with 9,500 permanent residents. Another 3,400 affluent people have second or holiday homes on Waiheke. NZ’s “island of wine,” no fewer than 30 wineries await our ferry, packed with NYE revelers, for the 40-min crossing.

Waiheke’s climate and terroir was well suited for Bordeaux-style wines and regularly win awards for Syrah. \240Kennedy Point’s 2007 Syrah was voted world’s best in 2009 (International Wine Challenge, London)!

Marie and Keith are today once again at Becca’s mercy, although we signed with waiver for today’s itinerary (wink).

Ferry crossing Auckland-Waiheke

* \240* \240*

MEM, from Rene Vignos:

Q: “Is it true that if you start watching the Two Towers film at exactly 21:13:19 on NYE, midnight will coincide exactly with Theoden’s line, “And so it begins?”

A: Why, yes, Rene, that is correct.

* \240* \240*

Waiheke is a singularly extraordinary place.

Landing in a bay on the far west and leisurely transiting by coach from west to east, Marie says it’s a cross between Martha’s Vineyard and St. Thomas. The eastern half is very familiar, very much California rolling hills in sight of the Pacific. The Māori called this place “Te Motu Arai Roa” (= If you have to ask you can’t afford it”).

Our destination is the Man o’War Vineyards, whose tasting room - and gardens - front the beach and bay of the same name. Captain James T. Cook “discovered” the bay and thought the mighty kauri trees ideal for the masts of man o’ war vessels. We let the photos speak for themselves:

Without a reservation, Becca and Marie work their ways with Alec, a beautiful young man, sommelier-trained, from Trois-Rivières/Quebec, who secures us a veranda table for a leisurely tasting of four whites and two reds. Wines are interesting, not California style, and the service impeccable.

In weird juxtaposition, suddenly the cool DJ music stops and the hostess scampers around the tables, reporting in a very loud voice with a definite urgency, “If yours is the vessel Nirvana, it’s floating out to sea!” Now of that’s not worthy of some New Year’s reflection, we don’t know what is.

As our afternoon at peerless Man ‘o War Bay comes to its end, Becca confesses we now understand and have experienced “Kiwiana” - leisurely and civilized relaxation in nature, or something like that.

Crew t-shirt at Man ‘o War Vineyards (available for purchase; do not ship to USA)

No sooner than we had boarded the coach for our return to to the west side and our NYE dinner at Mudbrick, the skies opened and rained the entire drive, as forecast and on schedule.

The Skytower restaurant for yesterday’s dinner was passable, if you like being rushed in and out and overpay for good food and poor service. The dining experience at Mudbrick was first rate in every way - elegant, festive, delicious - with top notch service from Isabelle of Dundee/Scotland.

For Becca: geisha cocktail and pork loin

For Marie Claire: Syrah with fish of the day, a long Māori word, and the buckwheat pudding, which is amazing

For Keith: fresh-water cured salmon, paired with the reserve Pinot gris; lamb loin paired with the Mudbrick Velvet, a Bordeaux-varietal blend that is the signature of the house, and for good reason.

Ferry Building, Auckland

Return to Auckland by ferry and under rain. A thousand thanks to Becca, wishing her every good thing in 2024. She represented Kiwi Nation insightfully and with passion, joy and panache.

Happy New Year!

Fireworks over the Skytower, as seen from our hotel room

Lovely chat with Uber driver en route to airport and our one-long flight to Christchurch. Nikhil waxes effusively about Queenstown and environs, also warning us about the (ubiquitous) road works in NZ, “One says there are more sheep than people in NZ (population: 5m); and now there are more orange cones than sheep!”

Having conquered the North Island Marie and Keith now set our sights on the next 9 days of multimodal exploration of the South Island - by air, road, rail and sea. But we get ahead of ourselves.

Arriving at Air NZ premium check in at 8:14 (United Star Alliance Gold status has its privileges), the agent asks if we would like to take the 9:00 instead of the 11:00, and she receives our affirmative. But no rushing through security: we are standing at our departure gate at 8:23 for a prompt 8:35 boarding.

While in flight a short word about the “Silicon Valley bazillionaires” (hereafter SVB) and NZ. Doing a quick search indicates this is not a new story, only new to us. (Marie: “I told you we should have gotten the subscription to the New Yorker.”)

Starting around 2017 (so pre-pandemic) SVBs zeroed in on NZ as their next world to devour. While we didn’t see any yesterday, it is know that Waiheke Island now suffers ridgetop mansions of unspeakable proportions and breathtaking views, some only reached by helicopter.

Catalyst of all this was apparently some survey rating NZ the #1 most sustainable country on earth and/or the best place to perpetuate the houses of SVB at the coming of the zombie apocalypse. Epicenter of the kabal, in terms of property compound development, is apparently Wanaka, north of Queenstown on the South Island and on our itinerary. Keith isn’t naming names (Peter Thiel, Pierre Omidyar, Sam Altman) until he and Marie can make a first-hand assessment and judgment next week.

After the gorgeously green and varied landscape of the North Island, the terrain around Christchurch is underwhelming if not boring. “It looks like Temecula,” says one unnamed source. Keith: “It feels like San Bernardino Down Under, and with no Rohirrim in sight.”

Avon Heathcote Estuary in background

But all is not lost. We take the Gondola to the top of Mt. Cavendish for nice views of Lyttleton and Governors Bay to the south and greater Christchurch and endless beach to the north.

Keith locks Marie out of mountaintop cafe to avoid sharing fries

Lyttleton Harbour from Mt. Cavendish

In a weird windfall for us New Year’s Day in NZ is also laundry day! Like, wow! What a coincidence!

Also the 49ers clinch the NFC #1 seed for a first round playoff bye and home field advantage throughout!

* \240* \240*

MEM, from Steve Hitchcock:

Q: “Are you (Keith) wearing the same clothes on NYE and NYD?”

A: That’s not a LOTR or Hobbit question, Steve.

* \240* \240*

Laundry Day, Christchurch Home Exchange

Our accommodation at Latimer Square is across Hereford Street from the ChristChurch Transitional Cathedral.

February 22, 2011: 6.3 earthquake hits Christchurch, killing 185 with severe damage caused by liquefaction. The Anglican cathedral was one of 1,240 buildings eventually demolished, the “transitional cathedral,” made first of cardboard, built as the temporary replacement. It is since a permanent structure. The rebuilt Christ Church Catherdral is scheduled for “reinstatement” at the end of 2027.

Transitional cathedral

Behind the cathedral is a huge building site, the future home of 25,000-seat Te Kaha Stadium, required after old Lancaster Park, fell victim to the 2011 earthquake. The state of the art, roofed multi-use arena will host rugby, football and concerts.

With Keith’s underwear drying on the window sill, we have time for our first History Minute:

The indigenous people of NZ are the Māori, who arrived via oceangoing canoe starting around 1250 CE from their ancestral homeland of Hawaiki via eastern Polynesia. The exact temporal location of Hawaiki is uncertain, possibly a Tahitian island or Taiwan. As experienced seafarers there is evidence that Māori reached Antarctica.

The Tainhui people landed at Kawhia and remained nearby, and then in Waitomo, for up to seven generations. The colder climate of NZ was a new experience, as was the flora (such as flax) and fauna (birds such as tui and the now-extinct large flightless moa). Original food sources were fish and shellfish as well as extensive hunting of seal and moa. By the end of the 14th century the Māori had explored and settled the entirety of the north and south islands.

Pre-European Māori culture was oral, and based in small autonomous subtribes. Tribal histories are rich with stories of armed conflict between them, and many sculpted hills and ridges in NZ, relics of fortifications, evidence the importance of warfare in traditional Māori society.

Contact with European explorers started in 1642 (Abel Tasman) and later James Cook (1769). In the words of journalist Cherie Sivignon, initial contact between Māori and Europeans proved “problematic and sometimes fatal.”

In 2023, NZ’s population by ethnicity was estimated at 64% European descent, 17% Māori, and the remainder Asian and Pacific Islander including Chinese and Indian each 5% (source: CIA World Factbook). By contrast, per the 2018 census, the European % was over 71%. The Māori population is approximately 841,500 of NZ’s 5.1m inhabitants. #historyminutewithkeith

Nice walk to dinner on Oxford Terrace with its snappy restaurants and bars fronting the River Avon that meanders through the heart of Christchurch. Pub fare at the Craft Embassy - Chicken nicoise salad and Pilsner for Marie; lamb salad and beers for Keith. Sitting down in front of the telly for the first time in NZ. They have this cool thing here…we’re going “streaming” with something call Premiere Video. From Amazon maybe?

Avon from Oxford Terrace, Christchurch Downtown

Bridge of Remebrance and Cashel Street, Christchurch

Castle Hill

Warg-riders on the horizon?

Not Indiana Jones

Inexplicably there have only been two filmings of Castle Hill - 1. The original Star Trek’s rock monster planet and 2. LOTR/Fellowship of the Ring: the hilltop camp where Boromir trains the hobbits in sword fighting when suddenly the avian spies of Saruman appear on the horizon and fly over en masse.

Heading back to the car park some little blond boy, playing with his older brother, points and giggles out loud that Keith is a “fat pig.” Marie rates Keith’s smile in return as appropriate. Keith gives it a five count before saying, out loud: “Happy New Year, you little shit.”

If we were at Castle Hill 700 years ago, we might have witnessed an epic battle between two giant native birds. Imagine an eagle, with a 10-ft. wingspan, the largest to ever fly (this side of Middle Earth), diving at speed exceeding 50mph and sinking it’s huge talons through the dinosaur-like skin of a 500-lb giant moa, severing its spine!

The Māori also forever changed their environment: As previously journaled: the giant moa - an very big ostrich-sized brontosaurus-like flightless bird - and 10 other moa species were hunted extensively. This caused the pouakai (Haast’s Eagle), who also relied on the moa as a primary food source, to start hunting humans, both children and adults. Fortunately for the Māori they learned how to snare and kill the pouakai in their nests, and destroy their eggs. Both moa and pouakai were extinct before 1500 and the arrival of European settlers. #historyminutewithkeith

Although… there are at least three very credible claims of moa sightings in NZ, one in the Castle Hill area in 1998 and the most recent in 2008. Speaking of the Loch Ness monster, Keith confirms that mystery solved, but not for the telling here.

Keith (left), moa (right)

On way back we detour through Oxford to the Glasnevin vineyards region. Many wineries are closed but Marie lands us at the lovely little family-run Torlesse winery in Waipara. Marie and Keith agree their whites are superior to most if not all of the Waiheke whites we tasted- Sauv blanc, Riesling, Gewuerztraminer, and especially the Alberino. (The various tasted reds are thin and forgettable.)

At recommendation of friend Leslie we dine al fresco the Curator’s House, at Christchurch Botanical Gardens. Nice tapas and beef fillet with shallot butter and Abuela’s red wine reduction sauce. The Sauv blanc is good and the “most full-bodied” red by the glass, a NZ Syrah(?), is not up to task. We stick with whites from now on.

University of Canterbury at Christchurch

Botanical gardens meets Avon

Marie Claire

Keith David

Curator’s House - with newlyweds in the background (not kissing or looking deeply into each other’s eyes)

Walk home takes us past the University of Canterbury, across the Avon (sandwiched between Cambridge and Oxford Terraces - very clever naming convention) and through Cathedral Square.

Christ Church Cathedral rising again

New office building

\240New parking structure

Newly constructed Consulate of Japan

Obviously modular…

…and not so obvious

As we say goodbye to Christchurch, we are struck by the vibrancy and hopefulness. Over a decade after the earthquake reconstruction of the city continues, with new homes and buildings rising next to original Victorian era structures. In photos below take note of the pragmatic modular nature of nearly all new buildings.

South Alps from comfort of Keith’s seat

On the eastern slope of the South Alps’ “main divide” are extensive high-country sheep and cattle stations run by stockmen, analogous to the iconic stature of cowboys in the American West. Accompanied by border collies, the stockmen move lifestyle between low and high country by season using horses, considered the most efficient system, just like Rip and crew in Yellowstone. Snow graces the alps generally from May to September (NZ winter) with just a bit on the top of the highest tips to see here and there.

NZ’s sheep population has fallen by 60% in the last 30y due to reduced global demand for wool and “unprocessed sheep carcasses.” Merino wool production in now superseded by dairying as the most important industry, followed by beef with Angus and Hereford cattle predominant.

The main divide represents the meeting of Pacific and Indian-Australian continental plates, which created the alps. The Pacific is pushing under the other plate, with rocks west 100m years older than rocks east of the plate boundary. Geologically, all moving very fast in NZ, especially in last 5m years. Also worth bearing in mind is that NZ is the above-surface bit of an underwater continent (Zealandia) that broke away from Australia starting 85m years ago. Neverthless, NZ passport holders can very easily immigrate/work/buy property in AU. 63,000 Kiwis left NZ for AU permanently last year.

The Tranzalpine stops at Arthur’s Pass, Otira and Stillwater on the way to final destination Greymouth on the west coast.

Greymouth is the largest town on NZ’s west coast, terminus of our rail journey and pick up point of our next rental car. And it’s pronounced “grey-mouth” not “grey-muth” which proves the exception to the rule. Keith learned the hard way from a barista with tattoos in Christchurch.

The final stage of linking the east and west coasts of the South Island via rail is the Otira tunnel. It runs straight north-south on a constant grade for 5.3mi and is electrified since inception in 1923. A first for Marie and Keith, the train staff closes toilets, cafe and open-air car and requires passengers in their assigned seats for a ca. 15-min period of tunnel crossing.

Our strategy for Greymouth is for Marie to collect the two checked suitcases from the baggage car while Keith pushed over any ladies in the way while racing the 2 blocks to Avis to maximize our chance for a Nissan SUV (very nice rental in Auckland) instead of the underpowered Korean knock-off mini-Prius suffered in Christchurch.

Changing gear for a moment…

The NZ history of European colonization vis-a-vis the indigenous people mirrors roughly that of North America: arrival, initial violence, a period of coexistence based on curiosity and trade, delivery of firearms, increased intertribal warfare, accelerated settlement by whites, sale of land, treaties signed and then interpreted differently, treaties broken, armed resistance, military intervention, subjugation and ultimately confiscation of land.

The English-language version of the 1840 Treaty of Watsngi guarateed individual Māori tribes undisturvdd possession of their lands, forests, fisheries and other “treasures” in return for becoming British subjects, selling land to the government only and surrendering sovereignty to the Crown. The Māori-language version translated sovereignty using a new word, “kawanatanga,” meaning something like “governance.” And so it began. #historyminutewithkeith

We arrive at destination Greymouth on time, Keith leaps over the guardrail and vectors down Mackey Street toward Avis Greymouth Station’s map app pin. Covering the 2 minutes in 20 seconds, he discovers the Avis car park, his preassigned vehicle and… no office to pick up the keys. Head down in shame, he returns to the station to find the Avis desk 3 steps from where he alighted the train, within the quaint station building, which equals epic fail in any country. Car is ready, a Mazda CX5 - confirmed already by Keith on the Avis app, from the train.

Lunch in Greymouth at Seven Penny Cafe, recommended by Bruce’s wife as the “healthy” option. Who is Bruce you ask? Bruce is the nice Kiwi gentleman who had helped Marie with our big suitcase on the platform. Super salad (very healthy) for Marie and tomato and basil soup for Keith. The Caesar wrap is kept for dinner. Bruce is a Christchurch man who has a holiday house in nearby Moana, and it’s the holidays. Bruce is also a pie and sausage roll man who a) recommends a pie shop, not the healthy option, and b) reminds Keith we are not in America and therefore The Burger not to be found. Marie surmises Bruce has never had Queenstown’s Fergburger. Or is it different!?!

Super Salad, Seven Penny Cafe, Greymouth

As recommended by Bruce, we walk the Pororari River Track, up and back, just a wee bush walk - with stunning Jurassic jungle hanging over and below limestone cliffs. Keith loses his footing and camera app long enough to miss the shot of a large brown spike-beaked bird crossing the trail. Could it be!?!…

Be thou kiwi?…

Nay, we are but weka.

Often mistaken for the icon of NZ, the weka is active during the day, liking to steal things from tourists, especially Americans with brimmed hats. By contrast, the kiwi is very shy and very nocturnal.

Pororari River Track

Our penultimate stop of the day is Pancake Rocks. Geology, and blowholes suggestive of the Jurassic coast of England. Only this one has the jungle.

Pancake Rocks and Blowholes (huh-huh)

Final stop before returning to our Airbnb just down the coast road. Drum roll please…in honor of our godson Tommy (you know who you are)…

Pancakes at Pancakes Rocks!

Washed down with pilsner dark beer. The below photo taken about 3 seconds before that weka jumped up and stole that piece of streaky bacon out of Marie’s hand. Pretty sure the same one we saw on the track.

Pancake Rocks Cafe

Our Airbnb south of Barrytown \240is indeed a Room with View. Not bad, people.

Sunset over Motukiekie Beach, Tasman Sea

.

Hokitika Gorge

The Treetop Walkway loop gives us a birds-eye view of the same podocarp forest, very ancient, and unchanged in evolutionary terms, for the last 65m years. Keith connects the dots to a previous journal statement (no terrestrial mammals in NZ). Is thereason there are no terrestrial mammals in NZ is that there were no terrestrial mammals 65 million years ago? If you know or have a comment please contact the author.

Surprise and highlight of Keith’s day is the Westcoast Wildlife Centre with its 2 live kiwi viewable at 2-10 ft without glass in between in their nocturnal habitat (no photography allowed).The centre is a joint private-public venture with the NZ Dept. of Conservstion to save kiwi eggs from and return hatchlings to the wild. Before pet dogs and cats, the #1 predator of kiwi is the sloat, a small ermine introduced to NZ during the 19th C. To counter the exploading rabbit population, which had also been introduced…Well done, again.

There were four known species of kiwi until 1994 when the “rowi” was discovered.

Dinner and accommodation in Franz Josef, officially known as Franz Josef Glacier, whose namesake is shrouded in fog. We drown our sorrows in chicken and pork and seasonal vegetables and beer (at Alice May restaurant) and the LOTR Two Towers DVD here at our Glenfern Villa holiday park resort.

* \240* \240*

MEM, from Steffi Hitchcock:

(Referring to above pic)

Q: “Did you a) plan in advance and bring the yellow knit vest; b) buy it locally; or c) borrow it from the cosplay trunk upon entry?”

A: Well, Steffi, we did bring the BIG suitcase.

* \240* \240*

Lake Matheson

Stunning view of NZ’s tallest peak, from the backside

A word on the NZ walking tracks - all uniformly well cared for, well signposted, no litter, no dogs, no loud tourists (not yet). Very civilized in every way.

And many with a fine cafe at the beginning/end with fine coffee and food, and a fine gift shop with real NZ wares worthy of purchase as a momento of one’s visit.

Coffee and poached eggs on toast for Keith, iced latte and fried halloumi cheese (with egg and smaller toast) for Marie. This isn’t a planned food stop, mind the reader, but it was 11:30 and the day’s culinary opportunities on 5 hours’ drive are unknown. The rain starts again as we walk to the car park.

The next stage takes us to Haast, the last town on the West Coast. Up til now our fellow tourists have been more affluent than sporty or hippie. An interesting mix of older and younger, families and couples. Mostly Asian, from Japan, Singapore, Dubai(?). To Keith’s ear not so easy to differentiate Brits from Aussies from Kiwis, but a lot of Continentals with good English accents. Lots of Germans with strong German accents. Few Americans, which is not a bad thing. And, after more than a week, less than a handful of Kiwis in service. It’s the hols, of course, and - so we are told - native Kiwis don’t do service jobs anymore.

Bruce Bay

In Haast, we notice a distinctly shifting demographic - a bit more hippie (oh, there’s the backpacker hostel right there) and definitely more sporty. By the time we stop for photos at Fantail Falls, the carpark reveals a clientele that is extreme sporty. Getting closer to Queenstown. The landscape from Haast is markedly more alpine in feel. And over the Haast Pass, down to Wanaka something different, and down to Arrowtown distinctly Scottish Highlands (oh, there’s Glencoe Road).

Cairns at Fantail Falls

First snow

Lake Hawea, from the Neck (spit of land between Lakes Hawea and Wanaka

\240 Before Arrowtown

Wanaka rates a drive-through but not a stop. Foot traffic is strong. Tourists and Teslas.

We say our feet for Arrowtown, a Carmel-meets-Nevada City former gold mining boomtown that is still booming with the tourist trade. Beers and cheese puffs at Postmaster’s Kitchen provide sustenance for the final stage to Jacks Point, a golf community outside Queenstown that is \240home to Susan and via Home Exchange to us for the next, our final, five days in NZ. Time passing quickly now.

The Grille, Eichardt’s Private Hotel

Marie and Keith each visit the washrooms twice, individually, applying the proven wash-rinse-repeat method on onion fingers. Keith finds a 50/50 mix of soap and hand lotion (scented of cardamom?) is the least ineffective. Marie confirms with the front desk that even the cheapest room at Eichardt’s (at $2,200 per night) comes with the same toiletry products.

Satisfied in our private redemption, we walk hand in hand confidently past the aforementioned overnight carparks, Lord of Fries food truck, bowling alley and Bavarian beer hall to the Gondola.

Views from top of the Queenstown Hill show off the town, Lake Wakatipu and surroundings in their summery grandeur.

Frodo Baggins, Lord of the Beans

(Bottom to top) Town, Gardens, Golf Club, Kelvin Heights and Jacks Point at foot of The Remarkables

Lake Wakatipu from Queenstown Hill

Long sit reading and looking out from the mountaintop cafe. Home for dinner of pasta with mushrooms, ham and broccoli and LOTR Return of the King on KiwiNetflix.

After dabbing our eyes, an evening walk remarkably reveals Lake Wakatipu and The Remarkables. Developers have big and not uncontroversial plans for the Jacks Point area. For tonight we have the path and views all to ourselves.

Then Remarkables at sunset

Early start again tomorrow.

Brandon’s mascot Dougal, the Scottish Highland cow

Our drive to Milford Sound is via Te Anau (“tay-AHN-oh,” Māori: “place of swirling waters) a nice holiday town that is the single gateway to Fiordland National Park and its Milford Road. The journey is announced to include vista and washroom stops every hour or so, plus a lunch break in Te Anau where Keith, susceptible by now to the charms and recommendations of Brandon, is eager to hunt down the venison pie from Millers Bakery. And he does. Our total trip, with stops, will be about 6h and it makes total sense.

Upon return to the coach Brandon announces that there has been a bad accident which has closed Milford Road indefinitely, about 2h up the road. His leadership voice is calm and focused, and panic does not set in, at least not visibly, smiling the passengers, even though this is the apex of our visit to NZ. Marie and Keith both, separately, somehow do not start down the road of potential disappointment.

With intermittent yet regular updates, as cell coverage is limited, we make our way north with Brandon front loading all possible stops for photos and short walks to buy time. Based on return traffic we are told and understand that day-traffic, everyone who are doing day trips to Milford Sound have been turned away. Our anxiety notches up about our prospects.

Mirror Lakes

Brandon, Keith’s new best friend, regales us with information and insights worthy of this journal, time provided. Highlights:

- Every mammal has been introduced to NZ. And in doing so, often against the loud objection of experts, nearly drove the kiwi, national animal icon, to extinction - which so shamed and embarrassed the human Kiwis that, as a nation, they turned their psyche to conservation and particularly eradicating known pests to prevent further eco disaster.

- Much damage done, of the 32 flightless birds native to NZ, 16 already gone. Either by human hunting, mammalian pest or destruction of habitat.

- RealNZ, our tour company and Brandon’s employer, considers itself in “the conservation business by way of tourism.” And Brandon is a great spokesman.

- The most damage thus far was this introduction of rabbit, for hunting and food - and then the introduction of other species to counter the rabbit (see below). Scary fact, which speaks the magnitude of the NZ infestation, now countered. 1 breeding pair of rabbit - breeding like rabbits, as they do - exploads in population of one million in one year’s time. Gulp.

Cascade Creek walk

Lake Gunn

- NZ Dept. of Conservation has the goal to eliminate five pests by 2050, and the people of NZ behind it:

1. Stoats - introduced to hunt rabbit - kills kiwi and anything else. It is a “malicious predator” which means it kills for fun not just food.

2. Rats - introduced by accident, starting with the Māori and also European shipping.

3. Cats - feral and wild cats - introduced to hunt rabbit by farmers - DoC sponsors a major cat resume and spaying program.

4. Dogs - in some areas you dogs are strictly forbidden and/or need to pass an anti-interest in kiwi course.

5. Possum - introduced for the fur trade. In NZ you really do get points if you run over a possum on the road.

Falls on the Lady Marian Walk

Word from the accident scene is hopeful, with ETA for road reopening ca. 5pm, about a 2h delay. Brandon working to understand if enough overnight cruise passengers still en route to induce the sailing.

Beech forest clinging to mountside - here Mount Christina

Our 30m loop at Cascade Creek takes us through the inspiration for LOTR’s Fanghorn Forest, aka a mixed beech forest.

Ent hidden in far left

Southern Hemisphere beech, comes in three species, which Brandon teaches us to identify by the difference in their leaves, are ubiquitous in Fjordland, and - if we get there- all photos to be taken from Milford Sound. They are extremely slow growing, and their seeds are too heavy to be scattered by wind and not to the liking of birds. So growth of beech forest is deliberate, and extraordinary:

There is no topsoil anywhere in Fjordland, due to glacial action. All plant life, all trees, root and nourish themselves in moss. (Pause to reflect). The beech are no exception.

Q: How then, the attentive reader will ask, do beech forests cover all the steep alpine forests?

A: The beech must anchor its roots in the crevices and contours of the mountain side, or a least some of them: on 1 in about 20 trees are rooting to the mountain. All others and rooted to these anchor trees and each other. (Another pause to absorb this marvel of nature.)

When an anchor tree fails, the result is known as a tree avalanche. These are visible often, if you known what to look for. It takes 80-100y for the avalanche scar to be again fully forested.

Tree avslanche

And then the news! The road is open, the boat waiting for us, and we must now make our way - past Monkey Creek (scene of accident), through the Homer Tunnel and down the Milford Toad to its end. The silent euphoria on the bus is palpable. And this day’s adventure is not yet finished, sort of like the hobbits’ arrival in Rivendell, which much toil behind and unknownable adventure ahead.

We are welcomed aboard and immediately sail, under (what we later discern are extremely rare) blue skies, onto Milford Sound. (Cue majestic music hear…)

MV Milford Mariner

One of two views in ever the world of glacier + rain forest + fjord

Our cabin, with sunset

Almost immediately, following the captain’s safety briefing, canapés and then a fabulous - and well earned, adds Marie, dinner is served. Assigned seating, and we get the mouthy table - \240Nicky and Simon from Wellington, Kristy and Peter from Melbourne, Marie and Keith from San Francisco. Marie holds her own in the spirited conversation, even getting a 2-min.misconduct penalty from the first mate given the roar as she finishes tell the MacGregor joke.

Breakfast and water activities are announced for 7:30 am so the crowd thins quickly after 10pm. A very rare opportunity will present itself overnight, a cloudless night sky with no light pollution save the boat’s running lights. Alarms are set, and we enjoy the top deck with only a few other silent passengers to take it the stars of the Southern sky, a first for Keith. In addition to the Milky Way, two nebulae are clearly visible, like smudges on an otherwise crystal clear glass.

Keith reflects later.. if you see the Southern Cross for the first time but don’t known which stars it is, do you still get to say you saw it?

We have moored overnight in Harrison’s Cove. Under starlight the dark water was smooth as glass and silent save a few distant calls of a unknown bird. This is a place, save for our presence, unchanged in human history, not just human habitation of these islands. It is prehistoric.

But life is in motion. The beech has evolved into three species living side by side. There was just one breed of dog on the Ark and just a single kind of beech 40 million years ago when this land broke away from the rest of earth.

And the earth is in motion. Geologically, NZ is young and alive. The mountains are growing at the same rate as your finger nails; only for erosion are they now not so tall as to be considered in outer space.

Harrison’s Valley in the morning

Harrison’s Valley the day prior

Good sleep was missed; a kayaking opportunity is also missed when Keith doesn’t fit in the kayak. “No,” the poor crew member says, she can’t put the seat back further. Keith is already climbing off when she assesses, “You will surely capsize.”

The return drive sees all guests exhausted yet strangely satisfied and content in the knowledge that little more of the grandeur could be absorbed. No drama to be had on the journey,, other than two bus changes due to various logistical/mechanical issues managed adeptly and calmly by Brandon and his following.

Newsflash! FA Cup Third round result: Arsenal 0:2 Liverpool #ynwa

Keith consulting the itinerary - or more likely football scores

We arrive back in Queenstown with that adolescent feeling of haven been at sleepaway camp for a week. We are able to negotiate a two-hour earlier sailing on our final voyage in NZ on the largest operating coal-fired steamship in the southern hemisphere. The TSS Earnslaw offers and 90m tour of the region from Lake Wakatipu. Marie and Keith so tired they forget to take photos. But not too tired to order drinks snd cheeseboard.

One photo from TSS Earnslaw, looking north

Stock photo of TSS Earnslaw

Queenstown and Lake Wakatipu below Walter Peak

Find Keith

Cardrona Hotel

Marie kindly parks Keith at the bar while she searches Arrowtown’s shops and galleries. No luck in town and, unfukfilled, Marie urges us to push beyond to some of the historical sites. Perhaps this will make our trip complete? Chinese Village and Toilets does not deliver.

But one final adventure…

Crossing the Arrow River

Bags are packed and we’re ready to go. No stress and little adrenaline flow for Keith, contrary to the usual pre-flight lead up.v

A scramble of whatever left in the fridge for a quiet dinner and then a final walk to the top of the hill above the golf course for a final look across Lake Wakatipu.

We reflect on our 15 days here down under in NZ. Keith reflects on his food intake (code: belly size) and how to change it.

We end the evening sitting in the dark listening to the Fellowship suffering defeat attempting to cross the Redhorn Pass. By candlelight.

Lake Wakatipu and Walter Peak

Sunset

And we are off! Well, we drive 10m to the Queenstown airport for what will be a leisurely 2.5h wait in in the lounge (lifetime Star Alliance Gold status has its privileges).

Keith downloads emails to his laptop in preparation for reentry to work on the 12h flight home. He also reflects if and how United Airlines might offer a surprise way to maintain current elite status instead of falling two tiers starting February. Just a fool’s hope?

Marie rearranges her stuff and reflects on how beautiful she finds The Remarkables, which reign over Jacks Point and our home these last five days. “Stark…gorgeous…majestic.”

The Remarkables, reigning over Jacks Point

On board UA916: Joyful, joyful

Connection from Auckland’s domestic to international terminal took longer than expected - Becca DID tell us! - but we arrive at our gate 00:08 min after published boarding time, even including an unscheduled stop at duty free as Marie insists to spend our last NZD 25.38 of cash.

Comfortably on board, Keith negotiating with himself about working (his work e-mail backlog). Like an Entmoot this may take awhile.